Michael Jackson’s career has been one of unequaled entertainment, from his frequently brilliant music to his interesting physical metamorphosis and the pure hilarious horror of his later years.
His accomplishments are not entirely monetary, but some are due to his extraordinarily pleasant and caring demeanor toward people, particularly fellow artists and those in need.
Making a half-decent joke about him seems like the bare minimum we should expect in return.
Funny Michael Jackson Jokes
How would Michael Jackson get eliminated if he were on Willy Wonka’s tour?
He’d get hit by, he’d get struck by a smooth caramel.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Little Boy Blew.
(Little Boy Blew Who?)
Michael Jackson! And probably a priest.
What pronouns would Michael Jackson have used as a Gender Identifier?
“He/he.”
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What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite poker hand?
Jacks and 5.
What would Michael Jackson be doing if he were alive right now?
Scratching the hell out of his coffin lid.
What is Michael Jackson’s favorite hotpocket flavor?
Pepperoni and chee-heese.
Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?
Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Acne?
Acne waits till you’re 10 before it comes on your face.
Did you know Michael Jackson’s son Blanket is about to graduate college and become a therapist?
He’s going to change his name to Comforter.
Why should Michael Jackson have opened a clothing line for pants?
He could have called it Billie Jeans. Those prices are THRILLER. No one can BEAT IT. Kids’ pants would be half off there.
When is bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic grocery bag?
One is made of plastic and dangerous for children to play with and the other carries groceries.
Why did Michael Jackson like twenty-nine-year-olds?
There’s 20 of them.
Why can’t Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?
Because he’s dead.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
Well, he had so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into LEGOs… Now kids play with him for a change.
What’s the difference between Harambe and Michael Jackson?
Harambe got punished for touching little kids.
Did you know that Michael Jackson was also a gifted baseball player?
He was big in the minors.
What do Michael Jackson and an oyster have in common?
Both come on little white crackers.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common?
They both leave little boys rooms with lighter sacks.
One day, a young boy inquired of his mother, “Is God a man or a woman, Mother?”
Mother pondered it, all the debates, political correctness, and work… and she replied, “Both.”
The boy went away in deep thought for a while and then returned. “Is God black or white, Mother?”
She considered the history, racial politics, and other factors before responding, “Both.”
The boy left for a while in deep thought and returned. “Is God gay or straight, Mother?”
She considered it and replied, “Both.”
The little boy jumped with joy and exclaimed, “I got it! I got it! It’s Michael Jackson!”
What’s the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
Neil Armstrong walked on the moon but Michael Jackson was a pedophile.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies?
Disney Movies still touch kids.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and the Cat in the Hat?
One is black with a white face, wears gloves, and plays with children. The other is a Dr. Seuss character.
What did Kasparov ask Michael Jackson?
“Do you want to be black, or white?”
Remember Dexter who was going to compete in a marathon dressed as Michael Jackson?
Not sure which race yet.
What do Michael Jackson and USA have in common?
They both desperately wanted to be white. And the last great thing they did was a moon walk.
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
From a catalog.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper?
One is white and scares young children and the other is a ghost.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson’s had a sex change?
He identifies as he/he.
Why did Michael Jackson go to K-Mart?
He heard Boys pants where half off.
Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
He thought it was a delivery service.
Michael Jackson is walking out of the operating room after his wife gave birth to their son.
Michael says, “Hey Doc how long till we can have sex?”
The Doctor says, “At least wait till he is walking Michael!!”
What is Michael Jackson’s favorite chord?
A minor.
What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common?
They both come on little white crackers.
What is the difference between a gorilla and Michael Jackson?
One of them got shot for touching a kid.
Who was the most successful Transgender and Transrace person in history?
Michael Jackson. He grew up a poor, black boy, and died a rich, white woman.
Why was Michael Jackson bad at chess?
He couldn’t decide if he was black or white.
What did Michael Jackson have in common with a second-place NASCAR driver?
They both came in a little behind.
How are Michael Jackson and Starfish Tuna similar?
They both come in little cans.
What is Michael Jackson’s favorite Indian city?
New Del he-he.
What did Michael Jackson say to the boy in bed?
“Just beat it.”
What do you find out after reading a biography of Michael Jackson?
That he had a colored past.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite drink?
Tee-hee!
What do Michael Jackson and Willy Wonka have in common?
They both love showing kids their chocolate factory.
What do you call a Mexican fighting Michael Jackson?
Alien Vs Predator.
Michael Jackson goes to the Sperm Bank.
Michael Jackson asked what he was supposed to do in there, and they told him to just Beat It, and Don’t Stop til you Get Enough.
They asked him afterwards what it was like to jerk off in a cup, and he said it was a Thriller.
Everyone thought it was strange that he didn’t have any porno with him to help, so they asked him what he did to make himself hard so he could ejaculate. Michael told them he was looking at the Man in the Mirror.
Michael was just joking around though. He was actually just thinking of Billy Jean. Either her or Ben.
It took him a really long time in there, so the doctors were wondering what happened. Michael told them his first attempt was Bad and he had to wipe it Off the Wall.
The last thing they wanted to know was Michael’s particular method for pleasing himself. He told them he just used the Jackson Five.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite narcotic?
LSDeehee.
Did you hear about the Michael Jackson impersonator who expertly robbed a bank?
He was a smooth criminal.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and an Xbox?
They’re both made of plastic, and little kids turn them on.
Why can hipsters listen to Michael Jackson again?
He’s been underground for five years now.
Why did Michael Jackson call Boys 2 Men?
He thought they were a delivery service.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite element?
Helium.
How can you tell if Michael Jackson is having a party?
All the Big Wheels that are parked in the driveway.
Remember the man in the supermarket reminded me of Michael Jackson today.
He said, “Don’t forget about Michael Jackson”.
Did you hear about a man in the supermarket who reminded us all of Michael Jackson?
He said, “Don’t forget about Michael Jackson.”
What is Michael Jackson’s favorite lunchtime meal?
Grilled Chee-heese.
What happened when Justin Bieber went to Michael Jackson’s house?
Nothing, Michael liked boys.
What’s the difference between a kinder surprise and Michael Jackson?
One is a choking hazard for children and the other is a chocolate covered candy.
Did you hear they were making a McJackson burger for Michael Jackson
It a 50 year old piece of meat in a 12 year old bun.
What’s white, plastic, and not suitable for ages 5 and under?
Michael Jackson.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite painting?
The Sha-Mona Lisa.
What was Michael Jackson’s favorite constellation?
Insida minor.
What’s the worst thing about Michael Jackson teaching your kindergarten class?
The smell. The man’s been dead for 13 years.
Have you heard of the Michael Jackson diet?
You just have to start with the man in the mirror and ask him to change his weighs.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a bookie with dwarfism?
One’s bad. The other is a little better.
What college did Michael Jackson go to?
Bringham Young University
What is Michael Jackson’s favorite painting?
Shamona Lisa.
How does Michael Jackson prepare his eggs?
He beats them.
What does Michael Jackson say when he touches a hot mug?
Tea-hee.
What do you say to Michael Jackson at the beach?
“Get out of my sun.”
Who was Michael Jackson’s favorite Israeli political leader?
Ariel Shamone.
What’s a Michael Jackson clean joke?
Michael Jackson in the bath blowing bubbles
Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Bubbles is his monkey.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
He had so many plastic surgeries that they decided to melt him down into lego, so now kids play with him for a change.
What do Darth Vader and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both escaped the dark side.
Michael Jackson, Tupac, Biggie Smalls, and Elvis all walk into a 7-eleven.
You wouldn’t believe it, that store was dead.
